Feeling that they “don’t belong” is one of the main reasons kids leave the church. They say “they don’t get anything out of it.” The church does not seem to suit their more lively and attractive involvements—people, relationships, doing things with friends—so they are not interested in it.

Many kids feel that way partly because they see the church only as an organization, and organizations are “boring.” To them the church is merely a structure, a bureaucratic pyramid. The pope and bishops are on top, everyone else on the bottom, all glued together by rules and regulations. Sunday Mass appeals to them as much as would required attendance at a historical society meeting featuring the papers, recently found, of Edgar Applebee, the local county’s first superintendent.

Somehow we must help our children discover that the church is not a lifeless organization, but a life‑giving organism. 

Embracing that truth will prepare them to see the church as vital, more interesting, perhaps even appealing enough to find that they belong there. We can accomplish a lot by telling kids about our experience of the church as a community. For example, how Christian friends cared for them when Mom was ill or helped Dad find a new job. Our children might not be ready to live the doctrine of the Body of Christ, but they should hear that we are the hands and feet of Christ, extending his love to needy people.

But teaching will not be enough. Since our children learn involuntarily from our behavior, we must set an example by getting involved ourselves. If we want our kids to believe that we are the hands and feet of Christ, we had better get them moving.

No matter how busy we are with work and family, we should find some Christian service that fits into our lives. Not just because our children need us to, but because it’s an expression of our faith. As Scripture says, “Be doers of the word and not hearers only” (James 1:22). If we parents feel we aren’t getting enough out of life in the church, it’s probably because we aren’t putting enough of ourselves into it.

When looking for service opportunities that are right for you, try to find something that is both manageable and personal. A manageable commitment is one that fits with the rest of our lives. We can perform it routinely and it will not become so burdensome that we will abandon it soon after we start. For example, a busy person might choose to be a lector because he or she can make an important contribution—proclaiming God’s word—and it only takes two hours a month preparation outside of mass.

Our service should also be personal, if possible, so that we and our children can learn to be other Christs to real people. If someone told you that there were 500 AIDs babies in your city, asking what you were going to do about it, you would probably be overwhelmed. You would be unable to respond because you would not know where to begin. But if someone asked you to spend a half‑hour a week visiting Luke, an 11‑year‑old AIDs victim, you would probably welcome the chance to be merciful.

When possible, we should include our children in our service. Involving a child in some work of mercy, for example, may not produce an immediate change of behavior, but the message will get through. Author and columnist, Dolores Curran, tells of involving her family one blustery Christmas Eve at a Catholic Worker soup kitchen in Denver. “My nineteen‑year‑old took off his $40 Reeboks and gave them to a street person who had flapping soles on his wet canvas shoes.”

That’s the way we want all our kids to get involved.

Opportunities for Service

Consider a personal and manageable service that suits you and your family. Here are some suggestions to get you thinking:

  • Volunteer once a month at a local soup kitchen, an AIDS facility, a pregnancy counseling center or other Christian service outreach.
  • Work with a local Habitat for Humanity project, building a house for a family in need.
  • Participate in your parish’s weekly liturgical life by becoming a greeter, usher, lector, choir member or special minister of the Eucharist. Encourage your children to become acolytes.
  • Get involved in a work of mercy such as visiting the sick in hospitals.
  • Offer help to neighbors in need. For example, driving an elderly or disabled person to church, stores or medical appointments.